Marriage

So, you’ve been on a few dates with someone, or have started a relationship, and it’s going well – there’s good chemistry, you seem to get along, and you’re feeling hopeful that they’re a keeper. But how can you tell if someone has real potential as a partner?

“What I was looking for back then isn’t what I’m looking for now”, a 40-something coaching client said recently as she updated me on her dating progress. So true, I thought. As we mature, our wants, needs, hopes and dreams change.

If I happen to mention I write about faith and relationships, the questions flow. When to date. Who to marry. How to make good decisions. Even who to spend time with. Who, how, what, where, when. So many questions. And, of course, there’s a dizzying array of possible answers…

Are you tired of waiting for love to come your way? Are you over going to engagement parties or weddings on your own? Are you wondering why it’s taking you so long? If so, I know how you feel.

My husband and I act as a support couple for couples thinking about getting married. We help to facilitate conversation between them, and encourage them to talk about any areas that may be contentious. After talking with one couple recently I realised that there are some questions people don’t think about asking each other unless prompted.

‘I’m too old for the singles group and too young for the seniors…’

‘I don’t fit into the women’s ministry because I don’t have a husband or kids…’

‘All the groups in our church focus on families…’

‘I just can’t seem to fit in…’

How do we find someone to love? For many years, this question baffled me. I had no idea. None of my relationships worked out and I spent many single years wondering where all the available men had gone. Eventually, though, I found my answer. I’ll be getting married in a few weeks, at 48.

1 in 4 people will experience mental illness each year and it is thought this number is rising. Someone recovery or with a history of mental illness needs to think carefully about when the right time is to start looking for a partner and dating. I had been ill for a long time and I had been working hard on recovery when I thought I’d got to the point, I was not quite fully recovered but my illness did not define me anymore. I was happy being single but I wanted to investigate the world of dating to see if “the one” was out there for me.