Why your perfect partner might be right under your nose
Before I met my husband, I had a list of what I wanted in the man I was to marry. He had to be God-fearing, loving and kind, hardworking, patient. You know, the usual stuff. He had to be attractive – to me at least (I strongly believe that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder) and had to be taller than me (I’m not tall). I wouldn’t say I had many superficial things on my list at all, but I remember when I started online dating and seeing some profiles – there were some good-looking men I couldn’t help but notice! I thought to myself, “If this is what the online dating scene is offering, I’m here for all of it!” It was only when I waved to one or two of them and got no response (this sometimes happens, don’t worry if it happens to you) that I realised that there were probably hundreds of women like me doing the same thing: reaching out to the same attractive men that we thought fitted the bill of what we wanted in a mate…
There’s nothing wrong with being good-looking of course, but sometimes I wonder if we have our priorities in the wrong order when it comes to dating.
Recently I was listening to an interview with the wife of a popular preacher, and she told of how the one physical attribute she really wanted in a man was that he was tall. She had prayed to God to help her know who her husband was when she met him, but when the time came and she sensed God telling her that the man in front of her was her husband, she didn’t want to believe it, because even though he was everything else she prayed for, he wasn’t tall! She eventually submitted her will to God and now has the most beautiful marriage.
The truth is that the person we marry may not meet all our desires or specifications – both physically and in other areas. We are all works in progress and God often gives us someone that isn’t quite the finished article too. Now, your spouse is not likely to get any taller. There are certain things that you just have to accept.
But you’d be amazed at what being in a loving relationship can do for someone’s appearance. In any case, we should be looking to see what the person is really like on the inside- this is what really matters and what will lead to a great marriage.
The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:3-4: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
There is nothing wrong with having a list, and preferences of course, but just ask yourself if the thing you’re focusing on could be what is preventing you from meeting the right person. Are you looking for love in the wrong places?
You may be chatting to someone online and he or she seems very nice. They have the qualities that a good spouse should have, and they love God. But perhaps they are not what you think of as attractive; maybe they are not tall, or they are not blonde (or brunette, whatever your preference may be).
Maybe they don’t live close enough to you and you’re wondering how to make it work. You may have relegated them to the ‘friend zone’ whilst you continue looking for the perfect person to fit the bill.
Like I did all those years ago, you may be sending messages and trying to get the attention of someone that appears to be more of what you’re looking for, but it is getting you nowhere. Meanwhile, you’ve already met somebody with the potential for a great relationship but have chosen to ignore them instead.
You may be surprised to find that as you make the decision to focus your attention on the person you already have a connection with, you start to see them in a different light. Their attractive qualities start to shine through, and you start to notice things that you didn’t notice before.
One of the most important things when dating is to be open-minded and give people a chance. So, ask yourself if you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. Then ask God to show you if there is someone that you’ve been ignoring that may be the right person for you.
Finally, open your heart to receive what God has in store for you. Mr or Mrs Right may have been right under your nose all along!