Integrating your lives can be one of the biggest challenges in a relationship – whatever stage of life you meet at, family is a factor. Whether you’re just starting out in dating or find yourself single later in life, you’ll be likely to encounter people who are related to the person you’re getting to know – parents, children and maybe many more relations. And you’ll probably need to get to know them too! Where do you start?

Do you find your imagination runs wild after a good first date? Do you start visualising yourself walking down the aisle with the person you’ve only just met? Or maybe you tend to share too much of yourself on an initial meeting, only to regret doing so afterwards. These are common dating pitfalls, but the good news is dating boundaries can help.

“I had a friend who had also been on an online Christian dating site and had met her husband, and she encouraged me to go…” Lauren joined Christian Connection with the hope of a similar connection. She didn’t yet know Kevin, who was soon to prepare his own dating profile and begin his search! “I was ready for marriage,” Kevin said, “I knew what I was looking for. And I thought, I’ve tried online dating before, but I had never tried Christian online dating.”

Whilst dating can be a fun time, when you’ve been on the dating scene for a while and seemingly nothing has come from it, you might start to feel discouraged and even be tempted to give up. But if you’re serious about meeting someone, you’ll need to understand that disappointment is a real possibility when it comes to dating, and in those moments, being able to encourage yourself is very important. So, how can you encourage yourself for the dating journey?

Once dating starts to get a little more serious, there are stepping stones to integrate two different lives. Often one of the first of these is the meeting of each other’s friends. Friends can make or break a relationship, especially if their opinion sways you. Meeting your new partner’s friends can be very nerve-wracking, so what should you consider? How can you continue to value friends as you date? And what might be going on under the surface, with your friends or theirs?

Someone called remarriage “the triumph of hope over experience”. I see it as the triumph of hope AND experience. A tangible sign of grace in the possibility of being granted new chances, especially if the thought of dating after loss seems overwhelming. As CS Lewis said of his own late marriage, “I never expected to have in my sixties the happiness that passed me by in my twenties.” But considering dating, starting a new relationship, and eventually creating a new marriage after a divorce or bereavement has its complications, and here are some issues worth reflecting on.

How do we set ourselves up for dating success rather than dating disasters? How do we ensure that we make good choices in relationships and avoid hurting ourselves and others? For me, the key lies in healthy boundaries. There are many types of boundaries we can set with ourselves and others to ensure we stay emotionally and physically safe and avoid pain and hurt. But how do boundaries apply to dating and relationships?

Have you ever heard the saying “do your best and let God do the rest”? It is a popular saying and one that I think can be applied to dating. Sometimes we erroneously expect God to do all the work for us, and whilst God obviously leads and guides us, usually, when it comes to dating, we have some work to do ourselves. It might be as big as deciding to try something you haven’t tried before, or as small as saying yes to an invite to hang out with friends. But, whatever it may be, a single Christian seeking a relationship would need to take some definite steps.