Dating & Relationships

The words of Shakespeare “The course of true love never did run smooth” still ring true for many who are looking for love, and can feel especially meaningful if you’re wondering ‘Can I find lasting love online?’. Most of us would be happy to accept a few bumps along the way, if we knew the road led to a happy ending! With online dating now one of the most popular ways to meet a partner, it’s fair to ask whether first connecting online is a route to finding lasting love. Here are just some of the reasons we at Christian Connection believe it is, and what we’ve learned about how to make the most of the opportunities online dating offers.

Picture this: you meet someone, and you really like them. You get talking and your feelings for them continue to grow. But as your relationship develops you find that they don’t seem to be as committed to you as you are to them. You’re still talking regularly but you’re not sure if they like you as much as you like them, and although they claim to be interested, they don’t seem to be showing it by their actions. You might be facing a one-sided relationship.

There is often a seasonal flavour to dating. Summer dates bring with them a delicious sense of freedom from being outdoors, winter dates give the cosy sensation of being inside on a cold day or embracing the chill. But how about times of year with variable temperatures and hours of daylight? Here are five ideas for dates you can try during the ‘in-between’ seasons, including some great Autumn date ideas.

After the first meet ups with someone new have gone well you might start thinking about introducing your date to friends – or even start double or group dating. It can be rather daunting for everyone involved! You both want to make a good impression on your friends and get the valued ‘seal of approval’ all round. I gave my now-husband a baptism of fire after we got together – the cast of the musical tour I was performing in desperately wanted to meet him and surrounded him at stage door very early on in our relationship. For my introverted husband this was completely out of his comfort zone, but he knew how much it meant to me. He totally embraced the occasion and came through with flying colours! Meeting the people who matter to you won’t always be so intense – thankfully! – but how can you make introducing your partner to friends or going on double dates as fun and relaxing as possible?

If love knocked on your door, would you fling the door open and welcome it in with open arms, would you peer at it suspiciously through the letterbox, or somewhere in between? I ask because I know from experience that looking for love and being ready for love are two different things. We may be dating online, sending messages and meeting for coffee, but we may be doing so with walls of steel around our heart. So how do you unlock your heart and prepare for love?

“Hello there. My name is Chloe and we met on Christian Connection. I’d like to share our story with you. My friend met her husband on the website as well. I am in my 30s, and had a free week with the website. I worked at a boarding hostel, in Dunedin. I came home one day to see who was on. Saw this breakdancer photo of Andrei, and we got chatting. I am a dancer and I loved the shot from the Oriental bay here in Wellington. I decided to give him a wave, well I didn’t just give him one wave I gave him 10. Just in case he didn’t get my first one.

One of my biggest fears when I was dating was silence. Awkward silence, running out of conversation, and the panic that then ensued filled me with such dread. I would combat it by either chatting a load of ‘twaddle’ to fill the silence, or panic so much that I could think of nothing to say. Chances are my verbal explosions or my clamming up put off a few people. I knew that the right one would be someone I wouldn’t run out of conversation with. It turned out to be true – five years later … we’re still conversing well! So what did I learn about how to have good conversations that brought out the best in me and the person I was meeting?

I spent some of my late thirties and early forties feeling depressed. There were a few reasons for this. I was single, childless and living alone at a time when I always imagined I’d be happily married with a couple of kids. My life hadn’t gone to plan and I couldn’t understand why. But my depression had another source: I wasn’t living an authentic life.