8 simple ways to become a confident dater
It’s possible to become a confident dater. It might take time, effort and practice, especially if you are an introvert, shy, or struggle in situations out of your comfort zone but it can be done. Dating has its highs and lows, and sometimes your confidence can be knocked, by a rejection, ghosting, or harsh words but it’s possible to bounce back.
Here are 8 practical ways you can become a confident dater.
Know your worth in Christ
As a Christian, you are a child of God, made in the image of God. This means you have beauty and worth, and this should already build you up before you even step outside your door. Remember that!
Practice makes perfect
The more dates you go on, the more confident you will get. The more you will learn, the more you’ll know what to expect, the easier you will find working out the ‘get to know you’ questions, the more you will know your boundaries of what makes a good partner, helping you know to know when you are comfortable for a more committed relationship. It will also help you develop and grow into a better dater, and hopefully more assured, as you work out your strengths and weaknesses.
If you both love God and are committed Christians, then know that you already have common ground. This gives you a wealth of topics and conversation to touch upon, and if conversation runs dry, know that you have common ground to talk about – testimonies, church background, where you worship, what you look for in a church, how do you serve, how involved you are, how have you seen God move in your life recently? Sharing a love for Christ, is the best ice breaker, as you put God at the centre of your date.
Humans look at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart
Outwardly, there’s plenty you can do to bring confidence into your dating life. Actually, physically walking out the door and showing up is a great start. Come with an open heart and mind, be interested in finding out about the prospective partner, wear a smile and be positive. Wear something that makes you feel great and maybe even smell great!
You’ve made it to a date…photos and profiles have been sifted through and a match has been made, you both actually want to see each other. Let that boost your confidence, knowing that the other person wants to see you. You’ve already made the first ‘cut’!
God can work inwardly, God can give you self-esteem, worth and work in your heart, readying yourself within your heart. He can heal broken hearts, wary hearts, hard hearts, but you can show up positive and excited, with a warm smile.
Don’t be afraid to voice your opinions, don’t doubt yourself, and express yourself how you normally express yourself. Your date wants to know you. There’s no point in trying to be someone that you think they want you to be, or being someone that you’re not. That will only cause heartbreak for you both later down the line.
Instead, know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you are utterly unique. If your date can’t handle your uniqueness, then they’re not the one for you. Of course, once in a relationship you will compromise and change certain things, but never be embarrassed at who God made you to be.
As a son or daughter of The King of Kings, know that you can do “all things through Christ who strengthens you” (Philippians 4:13), going in the strength of God. He is the one that provides the ability and strength that is needed. Look to Him.
Keep things interesting
Have things in your life outside of dating that make you ‘tick’, that you find exciting and worthwhile. This will give you something interesting to talk about on dates, and if you’re excited by something, then the conversation will be more engaging. Have confidence in your subject, if this is your specialism, then you can help your date learn more about it.
Brush off the bad
Don’t let bad dates affect future dates. I’ve learnt, as I’ve grown older, that we can’t please everybody. If rejection, or bad dates occur, then pick yourself up, learn from any mistakes, and get back out there. You are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but know that you will be someone’s cup! It does not matter if you’re not adored by every date, and the more realistic your expectations are on this, the more confident you will be that it is not always personal! I came to the conclusion, that I got some great ‘dating stories’ but I only needed one to be successful!
Do the prep work
Come prepared physically to your date, so you’re not worrying about circumstance. Have a get out plan if it is a sure ‘no-go’, know how to get home, have someone know where you are for safety reasons, to make you feel secure and confident to meet someone new.
Work out what you want to know about your date, perhaps having a list of questions and topics that you know that you can fall back on at any time. You’re there to find out about each other, so what do you want to know? Pray before each date, hand it over to God. If you’re nervous, then you can cast all your anxiety onto Him.
Dating can (and should) be fun, and the more you embrace the journey, the more confident you will be. Having realistic expectations can help you pick yourself up and move on to the next without crushing you personally. Hold things lightly until you know more about a person.
Try not to fall head over heels in love with a picture and profile. You need to meet and talk, and this way you won’t be transfixed by the image you have created in your head about your prospective date. Their character may be different from what you imagine them to be.
Going with that open mind and heart helps bring the confidence needed and not the desperation of wanting your date to be how you dreamt them up to be. Trust God and hand over each date to Him and you’ll learn how to be true to yourself and become a confident dater.