Emotional Health

Holding on to ourselves and being who we truly are in romantic relationships can be a huge challenge, especially if we’ve been waiting a long time to find love. But if we lose our personalities in the process of dating, it can be hard to find ourselves again, leading to unhealthy attachments. Wait a minute, you say. Surely, it’s called ‘falling in love’ for a reason? Isn’t it natural to lose parts of yourself as you look to join your life with another person? Like anything, it’s about balance.

Finding someone we want to date and carry on dating is one thing. Transitioning into a healthy relationship with that person is another. When we find someone with whom we want to pursue a relationship, it’s tempting to throw ourselves into the experience, to the exclusion of all else. How do we grow closer to someone while holding onto ourselves and avoiding self-sabotaging behaviours so we form a healthy relationship?

First dates are wonderful opportunities to meet potential partners. They can also be filled with pitfalls. We may be nervous, excited or so keen for things to work out that we overlook clear warning signs. So, what first date red flags do we need to look out for?

Authenticity is the path to a healthy romantic relationship yet sometimes our fear of not being enough or our deep hunger for love stop us from showing up authentically on dates. Perhaps we are scared we’ll be rejected if we reveal our true selves. Maybe we’re afraid our date won’t want to see us again if we’re honest about what we’re looking for in a relationship. How can we instead date authentically and show up as our authentic selves?

New Year. A blank page. As 2024 begins and we make plans, set intentions and prepare to write a new story, there’s a question that’s worth holding in our hearts and keeping at the forefront of our minds: how do I live authentically this year? This question could be posed in different ways: how do I stay true to myself? How do I live in alignment with my values? How do I live in accordance with God’s plan for my life? How do I live with integrity?

Deep down, we all want to be loved. But sometimes our desire for a romantic relationship is so strong that it leads us to show up as less than our full selves in our digital conversations. This then leads to a relationship that isn’t based on the whole truth – and that kind of relationship cannot last. Honesty is the best policy. We all know that. But when it comes to exchanging messages with prospective dates, it can be tempting to censor ourselves or present ourselves less than completely in a slightly different light in the hope of finding that elusive connection. At the root of inauthentic communication is fear.

Control can scupper our dating journey and our chances of forming healthy relationships. I know this from experience. So how can we start letting go of control and looking for love from a place of trust? Let’s begin by exploring how control can sabotage our love life, so that we have an incentive to loosen the reins a little bit.

Do you lose yourself in romantic situations? Are you prone to changing your shape to suit your date, morphing into the person you think they want you to be? Do you struggle to voice your needs and wants or express your truth when dating? Do you find yourself pleasing the other and abandoning yourself? If so, you are not alone and change is possible.