When looking to start a relationship, most single people might be looking with dating in mind rather than friendship, initially, just as my husband and I were. But it is possible to develop a friendship along the way, even as you get to know each other romantically.

It takes intentionality, but a friendship foundation at the core of any relationship is very important for a variety of reasons.

It allows you to enjoy each other’s company in the everyday things, not just the exciting ones

When you have friendship as the foundation of your relationship, you can get to know each other in the day to day, ‘basic’ and ‘mundane’ activities, not just in ‘exciting’ and ‘date-like’ ones. You can go for walks and just talk, cook together, play games or sports, and just hang out and enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of any performance.

Of course, exciting dating experiences are also good and can be enjoyed, but when you’re good friends with the person you’re dating, it removes the pressure to have something exciting to do all the time. This will come in handy in the long run as well, if you do get married to each other. You won’t always have something exciting planned, and having friendship as the foundation of your marriage means that you don’t have to – you can just enjoy each other’s company, whatever you’re doing.

You can develop shared interests which allow you to spend quality time with each other

When you have friendship as the foundation of your relationship, you get to develop shared interests with the other person. Being friends with someone means that you show interest in what they enjoy, even as you introduce them to parts of your life that they may know nothing about.

When my husband and I were getting to know each other, there were certain TV shows I loved that he would not have considered watching before he met me, and vice versa. But we bonded over those shows and used them as opportunities to hang out. I also learned to love going on nature walks because of him, which was something I didn’t really care for, before.

These shared interests meant that we now had things that we both loved to do, and they gave us ample opportunity to get to know each other better as we partook in them.

It allows you to truly get to know the other person as you’re both more comfortable with each other

Friendship creates space for genuine heartfelt conversations with your partner. As you grow in your friendship, you’ll find that you can share more stuff about yourself with the other person. This might be stuff from your past, fears and concerns, but also, your hopes and dreams.

As you grow more comfortable with each other, you can even start to have difficult and challenging conversations which may previously have been awkward or just plain hard. Knowing that you’re talking with your friend, and not just someone you like, or hope to marry, means you can speak without fear of judgement, or repercussion.

Friendship with your partner means that you grow trust through being open with one another

As you get to know the other person, you naturally develop trust. Trust is a key aspect of any good relationship and friendship helps to build this trust. As you grow comfortable with each other and share areas of your life with the other person, you hopefully begin to realise that this is someone you can confide in. As you both open up to one another, this trust grows, and your relationship deepens.

It allows you to really be yourself

We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are, and when you’re truly friends with someone, you know that’s just the case. Friendship allows you to bring your whole self to the relationship – weird, crazy, fun, quiet, nerdy, wonderful – all of it- without fear that the other person would run the other way. Your quirky habits are welcomed, things about you that other people may find annoying are accepted, and you can be your authentic self.

Dating can be a hard game sometimes, and there can be pressure to put up appearances. But when friendship is the foundation of your dating relationship, you can take off any masks and show up everyday as your true self.

As you get to know someone in a dating relationship, romance is likely to be at the forefront of your mind. But it is essential to have a foundation of friendship – such as respect and enjoyment of each other’s company – as your relationship develops. This would mean thinking about this from the outset – meeting for the first time and beyond, and even having this in mind when first connecting.

You may choose to just be friends before deciding on an exclusive dating relationship, but if, like me, you feel you’ve met someone special, you can still work on your friendship even as your dating relationship develops.

How have you built a friendship foundation into your dating life?

Read more Christian dating and relationship blogs by Urenna Kiwanuka here