Dating can be a test of patience. We take action – post a profile, send and reply to messages and arrange to go on dates – but don’t get the desired results. We question why it’s taking so long to find our person. Maybe even consider giving up. But what if everything is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to, and what’s needed is to learn to trust God’s timing?
Here are four ways to let go of control and trust God.
Stay in the present
It can be very tempting to live anywhere except the present – to ruminate about the past or to obsess or fantasise about the future – but when we do this, we miss what’s happening in our lives right now. We don’t see what’s right in front of us. Sometimes we ignore opportunities today because we’re so focused on tomorrow. Alternatively, when we choose to live in the present, we are far more connected to God’s will.
So, what does it look like to set aside today’s worries about a romantic future and focus on today? What can we learn today? How can we grow? What courageous step can we take? How can we rest in God’s presence today?
Staying in the present doesn’t mean abandoning our hopes and dreams for a loving relationship. We can still take action when we feel called to do so, but we can also loosen the reins a little, let go of control, release rigid thinking about timelines or outcomes, and allow things to unfold organically, without haste or pressure.
Be open to surprises
Do you allow space for serendipity and surprises in your love life? The 18th century poet William Cowper wrote, “God moves in a mysterious way, his wonders to perform”. Being open to God’s mysterious ways may mean doing things differently than how you’ve done them before.
Here are some examples: reaching out on a dating site to someone you’d normally overlook; going on a second or third date even though you don’t feel an immediate spark; walking away from a relationship because you know it’s not right even though you’re afraid you won’t meet anyone else; speaking your truth and setting a boundary with your date despite feeling scared; initiating a deep conversation about values, hopes and dreams with someone to find out if you’re on the same page.
All of the examples above require us to trust that if we are honest and open, and if we consistently and courageously act in our best interests in inspired ways, we will be taken care of.
Look for evidence
When we get hurt or things don’t go our way in the romantic arena, our faith may suffer a knock. We may start to doubt whether God’s really cares about our love lives. We may want to take back control, thinking we could do a better job.
This is the perfect opportunity to do a brief inventory of your life, to look back and find moments when you trusted in God’s timing and things worked out wonderfully, and to find occasions when you forced solutions or controlled outcomes and things didn’t go so well.
By gathering this evidence, you will shore up your faith.
Listen for guidance
When I’m not trusting God, it’s evident in my energy. I rush and push, fret and worry, feel panicked and adrenalised. Everything is urgent. My timeline is fixed. I’m reactive rather than proactive. I need to be in control. In practical terms, I act quickly, spend too long on my phone, tap my foot impatiently, and get caught up in the immediacy of our digital age.
When I’m in this state, fear takes the driver’s seat.
On the other hand, when I find the courage to swap fear for faith, time slows down, as do I. I take long, deep breaths; I pause and pray for guidance; I cultivate calm; and I find a sense of peace.
Now, imagine dating in the former, fear-based state. We make rash decisions, jump to judgment, ignore our intuition, dive into something or run away from someone. We send messages too fast and stare at the phone screen when replies don’t come. We stay out too late on dates, share too much too soon and override our boundaries.
Dating with faith feels much more relaxed. Things flow. There’s a sense of ease. We give a connection time to unfold. We get on with our lives rather than staying glued to our screens.
If dates don’t work out or we experience rejection, we feel our feelings, get any support we need, rekindle our trust in the process and move forward when we’re ready.
Which way will you choose – fear-based or faith-based dating? And what would trusting in God’s timing and handing over your romantic life look like for you?
Enjoyed reading ‘How to learn to trust God’s timing’? You might like ‘Why letting go of control will transform your dating journey‘ and ‘How to date for the future you want‘ by the same author