Author Archives: Katherine Baldwin

When I was dating, I had a pretty clear picture of the man I was looking for, only I couldn’t find him anywhere. I took heart from the Michael Bublé song, “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet”, and continued my search. Still single in my early forties, I finally realised that the person I’d been seeking actually didn’t exist. I saw that I had a rigid idea of my future partner and I wasn’t open to anyone who didn’t fit the mould – and this was thwarting my chances of finding love.

Three years ago, a friend died in her early fifties from cancer. It was sudden and a shock to us all, a shock that prompted many of us to re-evaluate our lives. We vowed to focus on the important things – our hopes, dreams and deepest longings – and to stop sweating the small stuff. I said I wanted to get a dog, something I’d been talking about for a decade or more. Another mutual friend said she wanted to travel the world. I met this same friend a few days ago and we noted that, three years on, I still hadn’t got a dog, although I’d begun my search in earnest, and she hadn’t travelled the world (or found a way to do so once the pandemic eases). It happens, doesn’t it?

It took me years to understand that I had to heal in order to feel. For decades, I ran from my feelings. I ate on them, drank on them and over-worked to avoid them – until I realised that my disconnection from my feelings was sabotaging my relationships. It seems obvious now but for a long time, I was unaware of the importance of feeling my feelings. If I could just keep moving – running or working or travelling or falling in and out of relationships – then they wouldn’t catch up with me. I wouldn’t have to feel the grief, loss and pain that was stored deep inside and that I’d been avoiding since I was a child. I wonder if you have done this, and if you do it now?

Take a moment now to think about the past year. What did you learn about yourself in 2020? What challenges did you face? How did you overcome those challenges? Did you take any risks and if so, what was the outcome? When were you at your happiest? What were your dreams? If you could relive the year, what would you do differently? The answers to these questions will help to guide you in 2021.

It’s been a trying year, devastating for some, so as Christmas approaches, how can we end it with gratitude, whatever our circumstances? I confess that I don’t react well when I’m in an emotionally bleak or dissatisfied place and friends suggest that I write a gratitude list or think of things to be thankful for. But that’s my first response. Then I calm down, take the suggestion on board, take out pen and paper and do exactly that. I write down 10 things I’m grateful for and most of the time, it works. Something shifts. And I often end up with many more than 10 things on my list.

Rejection is God’s protection, as the saying goes, but when we’re on the receiving end of rejection, it feels anything but heaven-sent. Rejection can be painful and if we’ve been rejected before, we can become fearful of it happening again. So how do we overcome our fear so that we can enjoy the dating process?

Dating has changed. Face-to-face dating has made a comeback in some places, but it may be a long time before everything gets back to normal. In many parts of the world, some form of social distancing remains in place and a lot more dating is happening electronically than before the coronavirus. By the time we meet someone in real life, we may have got to know them quite well online. This new landscape has its challenges and its opportunities. So how do we avoid the pitfalls and make the most of what this new reality has to offer?

For many of us around the globe, 2020 hasn’t gone to plan. Perhaps we’d hoped to be further along our dating journey by this point, but coronavirus has derailed our dreams. The good news is we have almost half of 2020 left. So why not use this point to create a positive vision for the second half of the year and to get clarity on your next steps to a fulfilling relationship?