How to keep hope alive
It’s true, dating can be discouraging! It can also be hard and not so much fun at times, in fact it can be exhausting. I have heard many of my clients and friends cry and moan about how bad it feels, and I totally understand where they are coming from. I too went through periods of discouragement during the many years I was single, so take heart, you are not alone, your feelings are normal and all part of the process.
So how do you keep going when there seems to be no sign of Mr or Mrs Right coming up over the horizon?
1. Famous Motivational Speaker, Zig Ziglar said “The way you see your future determines your thinking today, and your thinking today determines your performance, and that has a strong bearing on what your future is going to be. If you have no hope there is no purpose in taking action, you won’t try and you won’t see any changes”.
Hope doesn’t require great circumstances, it’s something that we can develop and maintain inside. Do you have a strong vision and hope about meeting the right one? If you can ‘see’ yourself finding the right one, and can imagine meeting that person, you will find it easier to get through the darker days and be more motivated to try.
2. If you are going to date, it’s important to accept that some rejection is part of the process.
Place a shelter over your self-worth and remember that his or her lack of interest is not evidence that you are not good enough. It’s okay to feel and process your disappointment but it’s never a good idea to put yourself down and end up feeling even more discouraged. If you struggle with separating the two it’s important to heal your feelings of unworthiness.
3. Remember that discouragement is a negative emotional response to your current circumstances, and while you can’t make the right one show up today, you can change how you feel.
With discouragement comes negative thinking so it’s important to challenge your thought life. Remind yourself that although you have to wait and yes, it is taking longer that you wanted it to, you can feed your hope by doing things that give you a full life, and offer you opportunities to grow, in preparation for when you do meet your perfect match.
4. Keep an eye on your ‘traffic’. It’s really easy to get stuck in a routine of getting up, going to work, coming home, watching some TV, seeing a couple of friends, and doing your usual thing on the weekend, like going to the mall, movies or church.
When we don’t see the opportunities to meet new people, we start to feel there is no one out there for us, and this can really cause hope to take a nosedive again. If you are stuck in a rut, challenge yourself to get out of your routine and do something intentional to meet new people.
5. Give yourself permission to rest and take a break from the dating scene.
It’s important to know your limits and when to pull back from dating. As with all things in life, balance is the key to maintaining a sense of well-being. Is a little self pampering or a spiritual retreat in order?
When you’re fed up with the wait, losing hope, frustrated and disappointed with the search, in what ways can you build yourself up again?