Single Woman Thinking - How to become your best self

Good Habits to Develop If You’re Single: How to Become Your Best Self

If you’re single you may be thinking, ‘When is it going to be my turn?’, or ‘What am I doing wrong?’ You may not be doing anything wrong per se, but if you would like to meet that special someone, here are a few good habits to develop whilst single.

1. Patience

Developing good habits takes time! You may or may not have realised by now that in life, most things take longer than planned, or expected. It is no different when it comes to meeting the right person. For various reasons, some outside of your control, it may not happen when you most want it. But, don’t give up or lose hope! Psalm 37 v 7 says, ‘Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.’ Also, Romans 8 v 25, ‘But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.’ As someone once said, ‘delay is not denial’. Being patient means that you don’t rush headfirst into a relationship that may be far from God’s best for you. Exercising patience enables you to think, pray, and make an informed decision. Good things come to those who wait, and that includes meeting Mr or Ms Right.

2. Openness

By this, I mean a willingness to try new things. Frequently, I hear people say things like ‘online dating is just not for me’, or ‘that is way out of my comfort zone.’ You know what? You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect to get different results. You can’t always spend your weekends with the same group of single girlfriends and hope that one day something will change. While you may love the single life, if you want to find someone, you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone. You may have to try speed dating. You may have to go to that event all by yourself and talk to some strangers. It will take some bravery and courage, but in the end, you’ll be glad you did.

3. Friendliness

I wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as a friendly person. But, I’ve learnt that a warm and friendly smile can really open up a conversation. If you’re single, why not start trying to engage more with people you come across in your daily life. Say hello to that girl you see every day at the bus stop. Or to the new guy at your church. Friendliness can be a really good habit to develop to help widen your social circles and strengthen existing connections. Invite people round for dinner, or organise a picnic in the summer and ask people to bring a friend. It may be difficult if you’re an introverted person, but you’d be surprised at how many people feel the same way you do but are just waiting for someone else to take the first step. Could you be that person?

4. Thankfulness / Gratitude

There’s an old hymn that goes, ‘count your blessings, name them one by one, count your blessings, see what God has done, count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.’ You may be single, but I’m sure there are lots of things in your life that you are grateful for. Take time to think about those things and be thankful. Keep a ‘gratitude diary’. Have you got a good job that provides a steady income? A nice place to call home? A loving and supportive group of friends and family? Good health? Even the little things that we take for granted every day, e.g. managing to get a seat on the train at the end of the day when your feet are aching, or the bus driver waiting a few seconds longer whilst you run to catch the bus. How about even smaller things like having a good night’s sleep? Learn to say thanks to God for the little things, and you’ll find that your outlook on life begins to change for the better.

5. The ability to rejoice with others

I think this one is especially important for single people because it can be so easy to look around you and feel glum when things are happening for other people but not for you. For example, you find out an old school friend just got married, or another one just had a baby. Being able to say, ‘congratulations, I’m happy for you!’ (and not through gritted teeth!) can be difficult. But, when you truly understand that God has a unique plan for your life (Jeremiah 29 v 11) and that His timing is always perfect, you can begin to relax and learn to rejoice with other people in their times of happiness and celebration. Learn how to love your single life! Fill your days with the things that bring you joy and learn to celebrate with others.

These are just a few ideas on how to develop good habits to help you become your best self. What others would you add to the list?

Man reading the Bible

How can you put these habits to use immediately?

Showing others that you’ve learnt how to be happy on your own (whilst still seeking a partner) and are proactively working to become your best self can be a very attractive quality. Why not visit your Christian Connection profile now to see how you could showcase some of the qualities that you have developed?

How long does it take to form a new habit?

Research from University College London found that it can take an average of 66 days for a new habit to stick [1]. Don’t give up! Be encouraged that you’ll be developing the habit of perseverance and patience along the way.

You could also find a close friend to partner with to help keep each other motivated and accountable. Pick just one or two things that you want to focus on and then commit to making it a part of your daily or weekly routine. Check-in with each other once a week to see how you’ve both been practising forming new habits. Forming a Don’t forget to enjoy the journey!

You might also like: Encouragement for singles: how to live a full and happy life or find out more about Christian Connection.

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