7 great answers to “Why are you still single?”
We’ve all been there. You’re at a social gathering with old friends, a family reunion, or making small talk with strangers at a party. Someone asks about your love life, and then in comes the dreaded question: “Why are you still single?” Is it ever ok to ask someone that? With the exception of a deep conversation with someone you trust, the answer is no! It’s inappropriate and incredibly awkward. So how could you respond when someone drops this social no-no without warning? Here are seven suggestions…
When you hear the question “Why are you still single?” instead of your mind going blank you could respond with:
“I’m happy being single right now”
Let’s settle this straight away – there are so many positives to being single. Whether you’re taking some time off dating or it’s a long-term life decision, lots of people choose to be single and many are very content. The Bible talks highly of singleness, and so should we.
Singleness is not a problem to be solved, and if the person questioning you is suggesting that it is, perhaps they need to be reminded that romantic relationships aren’t everything…and it’s possible to be single just because you want to be.
“I haven’t met the right person yet”
Sometimes it’s less of a question and more an exclamation – why hasn’t anyone snapped you up yet? It’s meant as a compliment. You’re a catch! But it can leave you questioning whether the reason that you’re single is because no one has wanted you. And that’s not true.
Even so, I do sometimes wonder this myself. Why am I still single…is there something wrong with me? Or are all single men completely blind to my awesomeness? Then I remind myself that love is complex.
Dating can be a frustrating process, but we’re not going to be compatible with everyone. People have said no to me, but I’ve also said no to others. If it’s not right, it’s not right. It’s (usually!) no reflection on either of you. And the right person could be just around the corner.
“I’m not picky, I just know what I want”
Now, it’s worth checking in quickly before using this one. Is it possible that you are being too picky? With movies and books feeding us unrealistic pictures of love on a daily basis, we can fall into the trap of waiting to meet a person who doesn’t exist. If you’re looking for perfection, perhaps you need to reassess. But having standards and non-negotiables is good!
For me, that means looking for someone who shares my faith, makes me laugh and is kind to others. This isn’t pickiness, it’s good sense. It’s being self-aware, knowing who you are and what you’re looking for. It’s also self care, choosing well for yourself, and not settling out of fear or pressure from society. Which leads on to my next point…
“I’d rather be single than be with the wrong person”
We can all think of someone who at some point got in a relationship that wasn’t right because they felt lonely or pressured to be coupled up. There’s sometimes an unhelpful belief that you need to hurry up and find someone before you run out of options.
We should never date anyone out of fear of being alone. It won’t make us happy, and someone will end up getting hurt. So if you’re single, well done you! You’ve successfully avoided or escaped from the wrong relationships, and you’re in the perfect position to meet the right person at the right time.
“I’m taking some time out”
Sometimes we need a break from dating. The treadmill of messaging people, getting to know someone new and dealing with disappointment or rejection can be exhausting. It’s good to take a step back, enjoy your friendships and the other things in your life.
And you don’t need to explain why. You’re just taking some time for you.
“Let me tell you about an area of my life I’m excited about”
It’s very annoying when you have wonderful things going on in your life, yet all people want to talk about is your romantic relationships. And there’s no problem with kindly calling this out. Who wants to have an awkward chat about your love life, when you could talk about something much more exciting?
Maybe you’re thriving in your job right now, or you’ve just been on an amazing holiday, or you’ve taken up a new hobby, or found new depths in your relationship with God. Suggest you talk about those things – that’s a much more interesting and valuable conversation for everyone.
Ignore the question, or turn it around
The fact is, unless it’s a close friend asking out of love and care for you, you don’t owe them an answer. My former boss at Single Friendly Church actually used to ask married people the same question back – “Why are you married? Could you not handle being single?”
They quickly saw how inappropriate their own question was. Singleness and dating bring joy and pain, and you don’t need to talk about it with everyone who asks.
Do you have a go-to response to “Why are you still single?”?
Enjoyed reading ‘7 great answers to “Why are you still single?”’? Read more by Beth Collingridge here.
Read more about singleness on the Christian Connection blog here.