Author Archives: Beth Collingridge - Single Friendly Church

If you’ve been single in church for a while, you may have noticed that a lot of churches don’t really know what to do with single people. Perhaps you’ve struggled to relate to a sermon, or sat patiently through a 10 minute anecdote about the preacher’s happy family. Maybe you’ve started attending a new church and no one has come to say hello. Maybe you’re just wondering where you fit in. It’s no new fact that many churches tend to focus on couples and families, and single people report feeling overlooked, misunderstood and even unwelcome. The good news is that change is possible – and it can start with us! As an individual, here are a few things you can do to help your church become more single friendly, better welcome and include single people.

We’ve all been there. You’re at a social gathering with old friends, a family reunion, or making small talk with strangers at a party. Someone asks about your love life, and then in comes the dreaded question: “Why are you still single?” Is it ever ok to ask someone that? With the exception of a deep conversation with someone you trust, the answer is no! It’s inappropriate and incredibly awkward. So how could you respond when someone drops this social no-no without warning? Here are seven suggestions…

I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine’s Day. When I was a kid there was nothing more exciting than turning up to school on February 14th and wondering if there was an anonymous card or chocolates on my desk (this only happened once… and it turned out to be my friend playing a prank) My enthusiasm started to wane when I was 19 and finally had a boyfriend to spend the day with. I opened the door and he was standing there holding a single long-stemmed red rose. I found the whole thing so cheesy and inauthentic that the rest of the night was a disaster. Over the years I’ve come to realise that typical romantic gestures and occasions like Valentine’s Day aren’t really for me. I don’t like love hearts and candlelit dinners. God help the man who brings me roses. But I do like being single on Valentine’s Day. And here’s why…

I’m the sort of person who gets excited about Christmas far too early. Come November I’m cranking out the Michael Bublé, watching every cheesy Christmas movie imaginable and taking the long way home to enjoy the lights across my city. Only this year, for the first time, I’m dreading it. I don’t know whether it’s the age I turned this summer, the fact that I don’t have a permanent home at the moment or the number of friends who have recently got engaged or had babies. This year, I’d happily fast forward straight to January. I really don’t want to do another Christmas on my own. But Christmas is coming, like it or not, and I can’t hibernate for two months. So how can we choose to enjoy Christmas as a single person, when we’re really not feeling it?

Dating can be hard but one of the best bits, in my opinion, is sharing the ups and downs with other single friends. It makes the whole process more fun, less lonely and it keeps you accountable. Being able to support friends and be supported is a gift. It can be challenging however when you’re not going through the same ups and downs at the same time. How do we enjoy the journey together – celebrating, sympathising and everything in between – when everyone’s journey is different? How do you grow deeper and healthier friendships as you share your dating experiences?

My Grandfather remarried in his 70s after my grandmother died. His new wife was an enthusiastic, sunny Californian who would regularly smile at me across the dinner table and say how happy she was to have found my Grandpa, because “the greatest blessing of marriage was having someone to pray with”. As I grew up I started to question what you’re supposed to do if you’re not married with a built-in prayer partner to spur you on. The truth is your prayer life can be as full and exciting whether you’re single or married – you just have to be more intentional.

I have a birthday coming up, and every year among the celebrations, the candles and the parties, there’s a little pang of disappointment and fear as I turn another year older, still single, and not where I imagined I’d be in life. Some years are harder than others. I remember the year I mourned the whole day because I was one year closer to being “too old” to make it in the music industry. The year after when I decided to embrace my wisdom, swam in a freezing cold sea and felt like I could overcome anything.

There was the year I was seeing someone and they didn’t wish me a happy birthday. And then there was my 2020 lockdown birthday when I was back in my parents’ house feeling like a child, when everyone else my age was celebrating birthdays with their partners. This year I’m vowing to enjoy my birthday as a single person. The birthday blues may come, but here are a few ways we can make the most of birthdays and make the blues leave just as quickly…

Our world is full of love songs, romantic comedies and stories of people finding that long-desired love. Sometimes we can overlook the importance and value of friendship, and forget how to develop great friendships. I would argue that friendships are actually the most important relationships we have. From our first day of school as a child, to moving to a new city or joining a church, our greatest need is to make connection with other people. Whether we find a partner or not, we all need friends to walk through the ups and downs of life with. How can we grow strong fulfilling friendships that last a lifetime?