There’s only so much “It’ll happen at the right time”, “You just haven’t met the one”, “Don’t give up”, or “God’s timing is perfect” you can take before it starts to get old! The worst is “Why are you still single, you’re such a good catch?” – the most infuriating question that used to sting me when I got asked, kicking me when I was down. How can you remain godly in your search for a Christian, staying true to what the Bible says about looking for a Christian partner, without compromising when you want to pack it all in, throw in the towel and stop the feelings of loneliness?

As we go through Easter this year, let’s take time to reflect on what it means. For example, have you ever wondered why we call Good Friday “good,” when it is such a dark and bleak event commemorating a day of suffering and death for Jesus? For Christians, Good Friday is a crucial day of the year because it celebrates what we believe to be the most momentous three days in the history of the world. Ever since Jesus died and rose, Christians have proclaimed his death and resurrection as the decisive turning point for all creation. What hope does that bring us today?

I used to date in a fantasy land – a world of pink clouds, ideal partners and perfect relationships, until, after many years of singleness and dating disasters, I came back down to earth with a bump and learned to date from a grounded, mature place. Let me break this down for you, and help you avoid making the same mistakes.

“It was March 2020 and the Australian Government had just announced strict physical distancing measures in response to the spread of COVID-19. Peter was quite active on the Sydney dating scene, having been on many dates throughout the previous spring and summer, predominantly through dating apps Christian Connection and Hinge. However, he was yet to find a compatible partner. He was motivated and ready…

We all know that it is important to be grateful and as Christians, showing gratitude should be a way of life. But what happens when you’re struggling to find things to be grateful for? Perhaps you’ve been praying for a husband or wife and it seems like God doesn’t hear you? Or you’ve tried dating and it’s just not worked out? How can you develop gratitude about singleness in your life?

I was so looking forward to my date that evening. Over the past few weeks we had spent some enjoyable times together. We shared a faith and had bonded over our separate experiences of going through unwanted divorces. People were starting to treat us as ‘a couple’. But the minute I saw his face that evening I knew he was going to split up with me, and he did. It had been a shortish relationship yet the disappointment I felt was real. But I learned you can do yourself a massive favour at this point by accepting that disappointments are a natural part of life, including your date-life, and then turn them into something that actually helps you. Here’s what might help the process of dating after disappointment.

We probably all grew up with an expectation of what the perfect relationship would look like. Romantic movies, adverts on television, books and our own imaginations help to create the idea of the ideal partner and the model relationship. Couples that look like they have it so ‘together’. This can be heightened when single. It is hard when you first start dating someone and reality kicks in! You are excited, the butterflies start fluttering, you start thinking about the future and can be desperate to impress. But not every moment will be wonderful and we need to think about expectation vs reality. Even in small ways, expectations are not met, and hard conversations can be needed to make a successful, happy relationship. How can you balance your expectations and not let yourself be disappointed by reality?

If one of your goals for this year was to find love but you’ve already lost your momentum, misplaced your mojo or your self-esteem has taken a hit, I’m here to tell you that you have plenty of time and that you can get both your confidence and your enthusiasm back. If you’re in a slow patch right now or if you’ve grown disillusioned with dating, some simple steps may help you to refocus, feel better about yourself and get back on track to stay motivated to date.