Author Archives: Joshua Rogers

My wife says our first date went well, despite the fact that I nervously interviewed her like I was Barbara Walters.

On the other hand, our second date didn’t go so well because – um, how do I say this – after the concert I took her to a nice, little restaurant called – deep breath – okay, here I go – don’t-judge-me! – McDonald’s – yes, McDonald’s (I promise, there is a somewhat reasonable explanation).

Sometimes when I take my wife out to dinner, I look over, see a couple, and know it’s their first or second date. The signs are all there: the nervous chatter, the stiff posture and the forced laughter that says, “We. Are. Trying. To. Make. This. Work.” I look back on my own sometimes-awkward dating experience, and I don’t envy those folks.

It was my first year of law school, and I was single. I wanted to be married, but it didn’t matter. I was spending 12 hours a day in class or in the library, so there wasn’t any real chance of my getting to know anyone.

If there’s one thing that married folks quickly forget after they tie the knot, it’s this: Singleness often hurts.

The most frustrating part for a lot of single people who desire marriage is the mounting pressure to get on with it, to find (or be found by) someone now. The unspoken judgment seems to be that the single man or woman would be married if there weren’t something wrong with them.

My friends Cris and Sam had been planning their home purchase for months, and finally, after looking at several houses, they found a lovely home that seemed like the perfect fit. They negotiated with the seller, signed a contract, and began making settlement plans. But first, they had to do the inspection.

If I’d known these three things before I married, I would’ve been much better prepared.

When I was single, I regularly asked my married friends to share their advice on what it took to have a happy marriage. Almost every response was a variation of the same, foreboding theme: “Just remember this: Marriage is hard work.” That was it — no further explanation.

I hate to admit it, but back in my single days, I unnecessarily bungled a number of first dates. And the saddest part was, I didn’t even know I was doing anything wrong.

There were clues, no doubt — like when my date would yawn, clear her throat and say she didn’t feel well — but I just assumed the woman was rude, and I told myself I wouldn’t want to go out with her again anyway. In retrospect, I realize that most of these awkward first dates were the product of weird stuff I was doing. A lot of it was easily avoidable, and in fact, there were several people who tried to give me helpful pointers, but I wasn’t listening.

You don’t want to be like that.

“If David isn’t interested in me, then I don’t understand why he’s spending all this time with me,” said Allison, an attractive, smart friend in her twenties. Allison had every reason to be confused. Her “friend” David was hanging out with her, confiding in her, and he often flattered her. But at the same time, he could be aloof, he’d never even held her hand, and he only spent time with her when it was convenient for him – basically, he was doing just enough to lead her on.