I spent some of my late thirties and early forties feeling depressed. There were a few reasons for this. I was single, childless and living alone at a time when I always imagined I’d be happily married with a couple of kids. My life hadn’t gone to plan and I couldn’t understand why. But my depression had another source: I wasn’t living an authentic life.

My Grandfather remarried in his 70s after my grandmother died. His new wife was an enthusiastic, sunny Californian who would regularly smile at me across the dinner table and say how happy she was to have found my Grandpa, because “the greatest blessing of marriage was having someone to pray with”. As I grew up I started to question what you’re supposed to do if you’re not married with a built-in prayer partner to spur you on. The truth is your prayer life can be as full and exciting whether you’re single or married – you just have to be more intentional.

I have a birthday coming up, and every year among the celebrations, the candles and the parties, there’s a little pang of disappointment and fear as I turn another year older, still single, and not where I imagined I’d be in life. Some years are harder than others. I remember the year I mourned the whole day because I was one year closer to being “too old” to make it in the music industry. The year after when I decided to embrace my wisdom, swam in a freezing cold sea and felt like I could overcome anything.

There was the year I was seeing someone and they didn’t wish me a happy birthday. And then there was my 2020 lockdown birthday when I was back in my parents’ house feeling like a child, when everyone else my age was celebrating birthdays with their partners. This year I’m vowing to enjoy my birthday as a single person. The birthday blues may come, but here are a few ways we can make the most of birthdays and make the blues leave just as quickly…

Our world is full of love songs, romantic comedies and stories of people finding that long-desired love. Sometimes we can overlook the importance and value of friendship, and forget how to develop great friendships. I would argue that friendships are actually the most important relationships we have. From our first day of school as a child, to moving to a new city or joining a church, our greatest need is to make connection with other people. Whether we find a partner or not, we all need friends to walk through the ups and downs of life with. How can we grow strong fulfilling friendships that last a lifetime?

Take a moment now to think about the past year. What did you learn about yourself in 2020? What challenges did you face? How did you overcome those challenges? Did you take any risks and if so, what was the outcome? When were you at your happiest? What were your dreams? If you could relive the year, what would you do differently? The answers to these questions will help to guide you in 2021.

It’s been a trying year, devastating for some, so as Christmas approaches, how can we end it with gratitude, whatever our circumstances? I confess that I don’t react well when I’m in an emotionally bleak or dissatisfied place and friends suggest that I write a gratitude list or think of things to be thankful for. But that’s my first response. Then I calm down, take the suggestion on board, take out pen and paper and do exactly that. I write down 10 things I’m grateful for and most of the time, it works. Something shifts. And I often end up with many more than 10 things on my list.

Whenever I prepared for a date, I was nervous (of course) and excited (sometimes!) but I would get very anxious about certain areas of how the date would go. Would I run out of conversation? Would it be awkward? What if he tried to kiss me? My brain would go on overdrive and I would often consider backing out so I wouldn’t have to deal with the uncertainty.

The desire for marriage is a good thing but what does one do when you’re waiting for marriage to happen? How can you enjoy singleness, even though you have a vision of marriage at some point in your future? Here are four important points I think will help, based on my own experience: